Matt. 8:23-27

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendours...Our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner-no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your sense. If he is your Christian neighbor, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat—the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden." C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory


Others touch our lives in more ways than we comprehend, and we often touch others' far more than we imagine. Whether we are conscious of it or not, our words and actions have a real influence upon others, particularly seen in those with strong personalities. A simple example of this is the phenomenon psychologists term 'mirroring'. This is seen especially in one on one conversation—individuals will unconsciously begin to mimic their partner's body language, diction, and even slight accents or oddities in speech. How much more, then, can we hope to affect others for good by simply taking care with our words and thinking about how to bless others through them! This is why we are commanded in 1 Thessalonians to "Encourage one another, and build each other up." Positive words of encouragement about others' good qualities can help them to overcome bad habits more than a negative, nitpicking attitude. Encouragement is a wonderful motivator that strengthens others' good qualities. One who often hears how much his good qualities are appreciated will feel less defensive when faced with a loving criticism. Proverbs tells us that "a gentle answer turneth away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." A good way to prepare oneself and his brother for the rebukes God sometimes calls one to is to build a foundation of gentle words and encouragement, thereby making it easier for his brother to hear a concern from him. People, especially children, tend to grow into the names they are called or the categories in which they are classed by others. They do this by thinking of themselves in the same way in which others think of them, and acting in accordance. For instance, a woman who has been consistently told she is ugly will easily find herself devaluing her beauty and consider any appreciation of it, however evil, a stroke of luck. A man who has been belittled will find it difficult to overcome feelings of worthlessness and fear of failure. All of us struggle with these to some degree, but to those who have never been built up the struggles can cripple their ability to excel. In contrast, the young person who meets with frequent approval in things both small and large, and the appropriate gentle rebuke, will flourish with much more ease and confidence. This is not to say that our words must always purposefully bear immense weight— but they do whether we mean them to or not, so we should take care about our overall tone.



Oftentimes our criticisms are not even concerned with a real problem; we simply think others should be more like us. Dietrich Bonhoeffer addresses this in his book, Life Together, when he talks about disciplining yourself to see the good in others and avoid pointing out what annoys you.



"Where...discipline of the tongue is practiced..., each individual will make a matchless discovery. He will be able to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him...Now he can allow the brother to exist as a completely free person, as God made him to be. His view expands and, to his amazement, for the first time he sees, shining above his brethren, the richness of God's creative glory. God did not make this person as I would have made him...God made this person in His image. I can never know beforehand how God's image should appear in others. That image always manifests a completely new and unique form that comes solely from God's free and sovereign creation....to bear the burden of the other person means involvement with the created reality of the other, to accept and affirm it, and in bearing with it, to break through to the point where we take joy in it" -Bonhoeffer, pg 93&101


Aquinas said, "All the achievements of secondary causes can be attributed to Him, as the effect produced by a tool is ascribed to the artisan." This is exactly what I mean to get at. Christ uses His followers to move others, to touch their lives, to change them. A friend once told me, "It may be terrifying, but you are becoming what Christ is making you." And the most mind-boggling part of this truth is that each individual in your life is being used by Christ to form your soul-shape, in one way or another. Every word spoken goes towards forming an eternal soul. Every person one meets is doing something eternal with their souls—every human being on the planet is becoming more like what they will be in eternity. None of them are alike and none of them are mundane. Every imago dei was created for a purpose and each of them is creating an eternal destiny as they form everyday habits and beliefs. This is what Lewis is touching upon at the end of his essay, The World's Last Night, when he says that we must "train ourselves to ask more and more often how the things we are saying or doing (or failing to do) at each moment will look when the irresistible light streams in upon it....Women sometimes have the problem of trying to judge by artificial light how a dress will look by daylight. That is very like the problem of all of us: to dress our souls not for the electric lights of the present world but for the daylight of the next. The good dress is the one that will face that light. For that light will last longer." How are we shaping other's souls by our words and actions? How are we helping them grow closer to Christ? How are we encouraging them to excel in their gifts and talents? And what sort of dressing are we putting on our souls as we think about others by being intentional in our words to them? As we train ourselves to think of others and their needs, our souls are being dressed in the most beautiful garb of all: humility, kindness, gentleness, patience, deference. Thinking of each friend and acquaintance as a person who is making, you, and a person whom you are making—an immortal splendor or everlasting horror—changes your perspective on how you should speak to others—how you should listen to others. This Christian brother of yours is a holy and beautiful image of God, different from you, and supposed to be. Take joy in his talents and be intentional in the way you speak to him.