[and God came in]
I just finished a biography on Joy Davidman Lewis (the wife of C.S. Lewis) and it was very good. Her conversion story, especially, is so powerful, but her whole story is powerful, as she was a strong woman. Prior to her conversion, she married a man who ended up not only being an alcoholic, but also was unfaithful to her numerous times. On the day she met God, he had just called and told her that he was having a nervous breakdown and she was left alone at home wondering where he was and if he would come home simply drunk, crazy, or maybe even dead. The following is taken from the book, "And God Came In."
"C.S. Lewis once remarked that "every story of conversion is a story of blessed defeat," and if anyone was defeated it was Joy Davidman Gresham after receiving Bill's desperate call. By nightfall the babies were quiet and in bed. No one else was in the apartment. There was no one left to call. Joy was alone with herself, her fears, and the quiet. She confessed that "for the first time my pride was forced to admit that I was not, after all, 'the master of my fate' and 'the captain of my soul.' All my defenses--the walls of arrogance and cock-sureness and self-love behind which I had hid from God--went down momentarily--and God came in." Joy described her perception of God in this way:
"It is infinite, unique; there are no words, there are no comparisons. Can one scoop up the sea in a teacup? Those who have known God will understand me; the others, I find, can neither listen nor understand. There was a Person with me in that room, directly present to my consciousness--a Person so real that all my precious life was by comparison a mere shadow play. And I myself was more alive that I had ever been; it was like waking from sleep. So intense a life cannot be endured long by flesh and blood; we must ordinarily take our life watered down, diluted, as it were, by time and space and matter. My perception of God lasted perhaps half a minute."
During this intensely spiritual episode Joy was stunned to find herself on her knees, praying: "I must say I was the world's most surprised atheist." To her astonishment, the formerly ardent materialist not only knew God was there, but that He "had always been there" and that He loved her. Such was Joy's conversion experience. She said she repented, "God came in," and "I changed. I have been turning into a different person since that half minute." Anticipating the criticisms of materialists such as her father, Joy emphatically argued that her encounter with the living God "was no comforting illusion conjured up to reassure me about my husband's safety." Although "my surprise was so great that for a moment it distracted me from my fear; only for a moment, however." Soon "I was just as worried....as before. No; it was terror and ecstasy, repentance and rebirth." As she expected, "People have since argued that it was natural for me to invent a comforter at such a time, that it proved nothing. The flaw in that argument," she continued, "is that I got no comfort. I was just as worried about Bill afterward as before."
Joy went through several religions looking for the God she had met. Two years after her experience, she was baptized as a Christian. Regarding her search for Christ, she said:
"The Redeemer who had made Himself known, whose personality I would have recognized among ten thousand--well, when I read the New Testament, I recognized him. He was Jesus."
I'm glad I picked up this book. It was easy to read and not one that just drags on and on, yet was well done and informative. Joy was a fascinating character; as was her relationship with Lewis. Oh, and I learned a new word whilst reading this book :) 'crepuscular'. It means dim, or badly lit. Just a random remark, hehe.
-Shaina
"C.S. Lewis once remarked that "every story of conversion is a story of blessed defeat," and if anyone was defeated it was Joy Davidman Gresham after receiving Bill's desperate call. By nightfall the babies were quiet and in bed. No one else was in the apartment. There was no one left to call. Joy was alone with herself, her fears, and the quiet. She confessed that "for the first time my pride was forced to admit that I was not, after all, 'the master of my fate' and 'the captain of my soul.' All my defenses--the walls of arrogance and cock-sureness and self-love behind which I had hid from God--went down momentarily--and God came in." Joy described her perception of God in this way:
"It is infinite, unique; there are no words, there are no comparisons. Can one scoop up the sea in a teacup? Those who have known God will understand me; the others, I find, can neither listen nor understand. There was a Person with me in that room, directly present to my consciousness--a Person so real that all my precious life was by comparison a mere shadow play. And I myself was more alive that I had ever been; it was like waking from sleep. So intense a life cannot be endured long by flesh and blood; we must ordinarily take our life watered down, diluted, as it were, by time and space and matter. My perception of God lasted perhaps half a minute."
During this intensely spiritual episode Joy was stunned to find herself on her knees, praying: "I must say I was the world's most surprised atheist." To her astonishment, the formerly ardent materialist not only knew God was there, but that He "had always been there" and that He loved her. Such was Joy's conversion experience. She said she repented, "God came in," and "I changed. I have been turning into a different person since that half minute." Anticipating the criticisms of materialists such as her father, Joy emphatically argued that her encounter with the living God "was no comforting illusion conjured up to reassure me about my husband's safety." Although "my surprise was so great that for a moment it distracted me from my fear; only for a moment, however." Soon "I was just as worried....as before. No; it was terror and ecstasy, repentance and rebirth." As she expected, "People have since argued that it was natural for me to invent a comforter at such a time, that it proved nothing. The flaw in that argument," she continued, "is that I got no comfort. I was just as worried about Bill afterward as before."
Joy went through several religions looking for the God she had met. Two years after her experience, she was baptized as a Christian. Regarding her search for Christ, she said:
"The Redeemer who had made Himself known, whose personality I would have recognized among ten thousand--well, when I read the New Testament, I recognized him. He was Jesus."
I'm glad I picked up this book. It was easy to read and not one that just drags on and on, yet was well done and informative. Joy was a fascinating character; as was her relationship with Lewis. Oh, and I learned a new word whilst reading this book :) 'crepuscular'. It means dim, or badly lit. Just a random remark, hehe.
-Shaina
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